I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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