I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
