did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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