I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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