Your mouth is God's brothel.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
