i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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