Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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