You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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