So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
