This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize