Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
