You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
