Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
