I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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