TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
