why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm getting married
To pizza
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
