When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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