So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
