Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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