So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
