I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
