brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My bed smells like the plague
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
