'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
