I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
