...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
