I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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