I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
