she woke up with a sticky ear
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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