I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
