fuck your aforementioned shoe
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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