i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
