I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
