someone threw a dead crab at me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
