somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
