The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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