i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
