I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
