Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
