Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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