you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
