I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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