I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
