My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
