I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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