I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
