Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
