at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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