I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
