This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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