What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
