dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
