Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
that's an acceptable place to lick
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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