Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
