Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
