I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Come on in and take your pants off
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
