I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
