Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
