He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
