dude i'm inner monologue high
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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