Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
